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On The Edge

“Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” Psalm 36:5 NIV

I'm wavering, tipping back and forth between ashamed and amazed.

I'll never forget the first time I went to New York City. I was 18 with a class group on Spring Break. The Empire State Building was a must see, but I wasn't really prepared to see it from the top. The elevator doors opened and everyone rushed to the edge... except me. I had never been that high before. The wind swept across my face throwing my hair in front of my eyes. Nervously I brushed it back so I could see the next step.

Slowly and methodically I eased out away from the safety of the wall. My friends were all hanging on the wire above the half wall separating them from a plunging death to the pavement below. My head was swirling in circles. And because it was popular a few years earlier, I started hearing that song, "I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning. Like a whirlwind it never ends."

I argued with myself saying, "Get out there! Nothing is going to happen to you! Your friends are seeing the beautiful skyline and you are gripped in your tracks, frozen midway between the door and so much more!"

"Just one more step," I told myself. "I can do this. Just one more step." And soon I was gripping the wire mesh staring at the breathtaking view. I was still dizzy. I was still swirling. I was still shaking. But I was there experiencing the moment.

When I think of how rotten I've been (and still am at times) and then see God answer prayers with precision, I'm more than humbled. I'm wavering. On the edge. Swaying between undeserving life and unimaginable love.

Maybe I'm not alone. Is it hard for you to wrap your guilt with His grace?

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