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Waves of Forgiveness

Café Menu for Thursday, September 9, 2015
Today’s Special is: Surviving Marital Riptides
Carefully prepared just for you by your friend, Aj Luck
Main Ingredient:

Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another.

Ephesians 4:2-3 TLB


My husband and I stood waist high in the Atlantic Ocean alone and faced each other, scared.

What we were about to do, we had never done before.  We were about to end our marriage.

Let me explain. We had been married three years at this point and we were not getting along.  We were fighting more than talking and spending more time being offended than loved on.

Marriage was not working for us.  We were desperate.  We decided it was time to end our current marriage and start over.  Standing there amidst the waves we agreed to take turns and tell each other what we did not want to bring into our next “phase” of marriage.

“I need you to listen to me and not always try to fix me.”  I said.

“I need you to give me some down time when I walk in the door from a long day at work.”  He said.

We went back in forth for over thirty minutes being brutally honest about what wasn’t working over the last three years and what we needed to have changed in order for the next few years to work.

I’m not going to lie and say it was all said in tones of kindness and compassion.

The ocean was our secret keeper.  Its waves roared over our shouts and soothed our souls as we poured out before each other.

After the painful words were said, bittersweet honesty flowed as we agreed to leave the brokenness of our failed marriage right there in the ocean.  We hugged, kissed and held hands as we walked back to shore – now renewed to our commitments as well as each other.

Marriage is not easy.  Nobody ever said it was going to be.  It takes work.  Constant work.

We have been married thirteen years to date.  So far, we have ended our marriage three times.
Each phase gets better.

So, when you want to give up and run away, may I suggest a trip to the ocean first?

Take Out:

Be ready to get brutally honest with yourself and take responsibility about how you are participating in your marriage.  Find a time when you and your spouse are calm.  Together, have an honest conversation without accusation about ending your current state in your marriage.  Plan to go to a place away from the home, somewhere mutually decided upon.  Be prepared to be honest, but not mean.

Be willing to set and express reasonable, acceptable goals for the future of your marriage.

Most importantly, remember- your spouse is NOT the enemy.


Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me unconditionally.  Thank You for the gift of my spouse.  Show us how to continue to build our marriage upon You, our Rock and our Foundation.

Lord, when my heart wants to hold on to anger, let it cling to You instead.  I know there are times when I allow frustration and offense take the place of love and compassion.  Please forgive me Lord.  Change me Lord. Help me to remember that no matter the storms or circumstances that may surface in our marriage, You are always with us.  You will never leave us.

Lord, I surrender our marriage to You.  May it be the union You desire for us both.  May You be glorified in and through our lives and our marriage.  Thank You Jesus.  Amen.

Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson

For more encouragement, visit Aj at Shattered Perspectives.  Just because you may be shattered, doesn’t mean you’re broken.  You have purpose in this world!  You.  Matter!

© 2015 by Aj Luck.  All rights reserved.

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Paris, THANKS!  We still hold true to this today.  Isn't it funny the different ways God shows us how to renew relationships in our lives!? :)
I sure do appreciate the comment.  CONGRATULATIONS on 32 years!!!  God is good, all the time. <3

Aj, this was great - we did a similar event many, many years ago (alas not in the ocean) but to this day we both remember and now we chuckle over what it was then that bothered us, 32 years later gives a whole new perspective :) Beautiful advice thanks for sharing...

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