Of Moving and Sparrows
Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31 NASB
I’ve never moved in my life.
I’ve lived in one house in one small Florida town. I still have my first job. Life has been consistent, predictable, and safe.
Everything changed when I met a man from New England whose heart and soul aligned with mine. We fell in love, nurtured a long distance relationship, got engaged, and will be married in June.
Anne Lamott wrote that there are only two prayers, “Help me and thank you.” I have prayed both frequently and, often in the same breath, asked God for clarity in bringing us together.
Of course, those prayers were peppered with requests to give my adjunct professor fiancé a good teaching job in Florida. I mean, I’ve got a full time career, the cost of living is cheaper, and who doesn’t want to live in a tropical paradise, right?
And then God gave me my answer with an affordable apartment that meets our needs, ideas for work and a welcoming community… in Massachusetts.
What happens when the clarity you crave is down the road you didn’t want?
“What if…?” are the first two words that have haunted my questioning heart these days.
What if I can’t find solid work or can’t find friends? What if the glow of newlywed bliss fades and I find myself lonely and lost? Who am I anyway?
I realized for years, I felt invisible, so I filled that with work and friendships, and therein I’ve built my identity, as if God were so busy with the bigger problems of the world that my own smallness escaped His notice.
But I know this: nothing stays the same, except the fact that God is on His throne and if a sparrow can’t fall without His notice, then surely He sees me. He clothes the lilies and feeds the birds. He gave me my future husband in a kind of miracle and He will care for us just as well.
Where is home?
Home is in the future kingdom. Home is wherever love is and love has a way of disrupting all you know.
So in the months to come, I will prepare to say goodbye but I will also prepare to say hello… to a new life, a new home. The “what if’s” won’t completely go away, but I know who goes with me, and He is already there, watching, caring, providing.
What is happening in your life that fills your heart with questions and fear? Write them down. Sometimes our biggest fears look smaller when we face them.
Know it’s okay to question and fear, and pray for God to help you work through them. He cares about everything, big or small. They may not go away overnight, but He can help you carry them.
Be open with your spouse, a loved one, a trusted friend and share your fears, even if they seem insignificant. An encouraging person can make a huge difference!
Heavenly Father, nothing in the world escapes Your notice. Thank You for watching and caring for me, even when I can’t see what You’re doing. Help me to be brave and open to Your leading, and to be grateful in all things. I trust You to ready my heart for whatever comes and provide for my every step.
For more encouragement, visit Jen at Jen Rose, where she writes about faith, art, the writing life… and yes, her great moving and marriage adventure!
© 2016 by Jen Rose. All rights reserved.
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