For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
One of the biggest compliments my friends can give me is to tell me that they forget I have cerebral palsy. While I appreciate those words, filled with acceptance and the love they communicate, I also know I can never forget I have cerebral palsy.
Because the second I do, I literally fall. I am constantly on guard as I navigate uneven surfaces, slopes and stairs as well as everything else that makes up the able bodied world.
There is a term called proprioception which basically means having a self awareness (physically) for how high my hip and leg lifts my foot and where my foot is positioned as I take each step. Due to the cerebral palsy my physical self awareness or proprioception is off. It makes life very challenging especially the first time I encounter a new environment.
At those times, I find myself in survival mode as I take in all the different variables of surface differences, balance points, and anything else I need to be aware of physically.
When I was younger, I hated to walk in front of full length mirrors in department stores. I knew that I was the same as everybody else on the inside but walking in front of the mirrors reminded me how different I was on the outside. Initially that difference fed insecurity and a desire to overachieve and show everyone I was as good as they were.
Once I became a Christian, God began showing me how He delighted in me. His definition of fearfully and wonderfully made was not the same as mine and it blew my mind as I began to cultivate thankfulness and gratefulness for how He had made me. In His sovereignty He created me the way I am (and the way you are) for His glory.
When is the last time you thanked God for how He made you? Thank Him now right where you are. Anything that makes me need God is a good thing. I’m thankful God is worthy of my trust in the midst of the daily challenges with cerebral palsy.
Lord, thank you that you don’t waste anything and as the Creator you have the right to create however best you see fit. May the meditations of my heart, the words of my mouth and what I do be acceptable to you this day. Amen.
© 2013 by Julie Denker. All rights reserved.
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