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Apologies Suffocate Control and Elevate Jesus

Café Menu for Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Today’s Special is: Caught in a Whirlwind of Emotions and the Desire to Control
Carefully prepared just for you by your friend, Marni Arnold
Main Ingredient:

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Matthew 18:15 ESV


In my flesh, I fail... especially when it comes to fleshly habits that are kicking and screaming as they die. Generational curses die-hard, as such are the fleshly habits produced.  In particular, the offspring fleshly habit that’s sought to hold on for dear life to me is control.

This nasty little habit has roots in the lack of trusting God department, and one that has gotten me in deep trouble many times the last 16 years of my life.  It’s the very habit that’s sought to control the details in my marriage – even the decisions my husband makes for his own life.  I’ll be honest; sometimes I wonder why he’s stuck it out with me all this time, because in my own shoes – I would’ve left me a long time ago.  The grace of God is amazing, especially within marriage.

My husband has always desired to be respected as the scripture instructs wives to do, but alas, I was never groomed to respect a man – I was groomed to control him.  Unable to do this any longer, I’m in space to finally let this habit die because my husband’s health is at stake.  Outside his home, he faces disrespect daily – but inside his home, this is a foe he needn’t to contend with.  Home is to be a refuge where when a man makes a decision, no matter how harebrained it may sound to his wife and/or children, as long it’s in alignment with God’s direction, the opportunity to make that decision without facing the firing squad of control needs to be permitted.

How I’ve been attacking the firing squad that seeks to take out my husband at home?  Apologizing when I find I’m asserting control.

Allowing whom God transformed me into nearly 10 years ago to reside where I am today, control is taking fewer breaths when an apology jumps from my heart out through my mouth.  Through this effort, my life is less burdened, as is my husband’s.

Though my husband isn’t my “fleshly brother”, in Christ, he is.  Therefore, when I make a transgression against him, it’s my responsibility to apologize to him as Jesus exhorts all His children to do.  It’s not easy, because flesh wants to control – but this is where flesh must die at the cross, allowing Him to live in my life, so me, my husband and our family can live fully in His direction.

Take Out:

If you’re married, or even in a committed relationship, take steps examine your heart as Lamentations 3:40 encourages us to do to see if there is something you can apologize to your best friend today.


Father God, please help me find where I’ve been seeking to control my best friend You gave to me today, God.  Please help me realize the error of my own ways, my sin, and hand them over to You in Your forgiving hands and heart.  Please grant me the strength to swallow my pride and go to my best friend You’ve given me to bear my heart to them and let them know I value my relationship with them over my desire to control and be right.  This isn’t easy for me Father, for I’ve not been given many good examples of how to do this in my physical life, but I have the perfect example of this in Your Son, Jesus.  Thank You, Father, for Your Son, in my life.  May my life be an example of Your control in love Father, as I lay my control down at the cross.  I ask all this Father, in humbling, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

For more encouragement, visit Marni where you’ll find encouragement for healing in Christ on your way home to Him.

© 2013 by Marni Arnold.  All rights reserved.

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